Regin's WiredJournal

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 17:41:29 GMT

Cyanide and Happiness

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 17:09:13 GMT

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Wednesday Weirdness #50

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:56:33 GMT

1. What condiment goes best with french fries?

None. I eat 'em nekkid.

2. What condiment do you feel best represents your personality?

Now, there's a question I've never been asked before. Mayonnaise.

3. If the love of your life was a different religion from you, would you convert for them if they asked you to?

She is, and I haven't.

4. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

Crackers.

5. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?

Absolutely not.

6. If you could change your eye color to anything in the world you wanted, what would you change it to?

I'm content with blue. (Of all the things to waste a miracle on...)

7. Are you more often the partner in crime or the good conscience with your friends and family?

I'm afraid I'm the stick-in-the-mud conscience.

TMI Tuesday #181

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:40:42 GMT

1. Have you ever had a sexual experience with the opposite sex?

Once or twice.

I see from the comments that this question was supposed to have been "...same sex", so I'll answer that. Nope.

2. When you see someone you like, how do you act, how do you get their attention?

I try to say something funny.

3. Dominate or dominated, which do you prefer?

Dominated. Everything feels good, and I hate making decisions.

4. Would you/ Have you ever had a threesome?

Never have. It would depend on the specific threesome involved.

5. When was the last time you had sex?

St. Valentine's day. Sigh.

6. Sex on the first date...good or bad?

Generally inadvisable.

7. Do you have any random or out of the ordinary turn ons?

They don't seem random to me. A gentle caress on the back of my hand is electric.

8. What attributes attract you to a potential partner?

Shared interests, intelligence, wit.

Wednesday Weirdness #49

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 14:59:37 GMT

1. Is April 1st a fun day, or an annoyance?

An annoyance. I wonder how much of the crap cluttering up my brain is someone else's joke that I thought was true.

2. What is the best prank you ever pulled or had pulled on you?

Can't think of any.

3. What do you think is the most underrated sexual act?

Hand job. You can do it anywhere with tools you always have with you. :)

4. What is your favorite website?

Oh, gosh, I can't pick one. I guess Google Reader doesn't count?

5. What is the most annoying commercial on the air right now?

"Now that's thinking with your dipstick, Jimmy." I swear, I will never buy Castrol motor oil.

6. If you were going to create a porn movie, please describe the title, premise and 1st sex scene.

"Elves-a-poppin'", the heartwarming (or something) story of Hermy, the elf who wants to be a heterosexual male stripper. Ostracised by the repressed elves at Santa's workshop, he accompanies Vixen the north pole dancer and Yukon Cordelia the transexual prospector on a quest to the Island of Misfit Sex Toys.

Oh, the first scene is a song: "Me and Mrs Claus". But no matter how "extra-careful" they are, Santa still knows when they've been bad or good--because he's hiding in the closet.

'Scuse me while I kiss this guy

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 05:01:42 GMT

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

TMI Tuesday #180

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 17:35:43 GMT

1. Have you ever sent or recieved a sext message?

No. The technology didn't exist when we were young, or we might well have. We did exchange some actual pen-on-paper letters that I would rather my children didn't see.

2. Have you ever made or received a booty call?

No. Sigh.

3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?

I think I've edited one or two entries at Wikipedia, but I can't remember what they were. They weren't sexually oriented.

4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?

You mean, with another person? And just kissing doesn't count? I was eighteen, she was seventeen.

5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?

See above.

Bonus (as in optional): Why do you blog?

Sometimes I wonder. Because writing helps me get my thoughts in order, and I can't stand to write solely for myself.

Wednesday Weirdness #48

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 01:39:18 GMT

1. What is your significant others worst habit?

Her high standards of activity and time-management are a blessing and a curse.

2. What piece of clothing that isn't lingerie or an undergarment do you have that you feel especially sexy/handsome in?

I have a brown, green and orange hawaiian shirt that I particularly like.

3. If you could drink ONLY two beverages for the rest of your life, which would you pick?

Sweet tea and decaf Dr Pepper. I mean, assuming water doesn't count.

4. What is your worst habit?

Procrastination.

5. Are you superstitious in any way?

Nope. Well, not really. I don't do April Fool essays. They keep coming true.

6. What kind of shopping do you hate doing most? (Grocery shopping, clothes shopping, shoe shopping, etc)

Fresh foods (meats and produce).

7. What was a “fad” you remember from your childhood?

You really want me to date myself here. Okay. Hula hoops. I sucked at them, and still do.

TMI Tuesday #179

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 01:27:46 GMT

1. Ever Googled a date, a potential date or an ex?

I haven't had a "date or potential date" since Google was invented. I have occasionally Googled an ex, but I've never actually found one.

2. Do you gossip?

Probably, but it does not seem to me that I do.

3. How many people do you completely trust?

One, the Lady of the house.

4. Have you ever had sex in car?

Yes. Not lately, because (1) we have a bed and (2) we're not as flexible as we used to be.

5. What is your best flirting technique: innuendo, telling a dirty joke, talking about sex life, or physical contact?

I think that would be innuendo.

Bonus (as in optional): How many times is the most you have ever had sex in a 24 hour period?

I honestly haven't kept count. Probably three or four times.

Wednesday Weirdness #47

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 03:24:20 GMT

1. In your opinion, what is your biggest character flaw?

Shyness.

2. What do you think is one of the worst television shows ever created?

There's a lot of competition for that one. I'll go with "Woops!", an early Fox sitcom about the aftermath of nuclear armageddon.

3. Have you ever ended up injured after trying an interesting new sex position?

No. I have, however, ended up sore the next day.

4. How crucial do you think communication is between you and a regular sexual partner? Do you talk often about what works, what doesn't, things you want to try, etc or do you keep the discussions to a minimal and let the physical flow as it may?

It is important, but I can't bring myself to be as open as I want to be. See answer to question (1) above.

5. Who are your favorite comedic actors/actresses?

Peter Sellers. Gene Wilder. John Cleese.
Meg Ryan. Carol Burnett. Lisa Kudrow.

6. In what way(s) do you wish your childhood was different?

Just about any old way would do. I guess the biggest mistake I'd like to undo would be skipping second grade.

7. Cotton Candy; Delicious treat or disgusting mess?

Disgusting mess.

TMI Tuesday #178

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 02:50:06 GMT

1. Don't tell us what it is, but do you have a sexual secret you have never told anyone?

Yes.

2. Do you have a nonsexual secret you have never told anyone?

Yes.

3. Did you ever tell someone a secret only to have them spill it? What were the repercussions?

Yes. I lost that person as a friend; I lost the girlfriend I was seeing at the time; I lost my parents' trust; and they lost mine. It was pretty much a catastrophe in every way one can measure it.

4. Did you ever spill a secret someone told you? What were the repercussions?

No.

5. Tell us a secret someone told you, however along ago, that you've never told. (You can disguise name or details)

No.

Wednesday Weirdness #46

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 17:31:15 GMT

1. What makes a person sexy to you?

If I could define what appeals to me about someone, it wouldn't be sexy. It's a degree of being comfortable with oneself.

2. When having the 'number of sex partners' talk with a potential significant other, would you be turned off if they had slept with more than a certain number of people? If yes, what is that number?

I can't think of any number that would actually turn me off. Which isn't to say I would have no reaction if her number were in the dozens.

3. Once and for all, pocketbook sized dogs and the people who carry them in pocketbooks. Cute or crazy?

Crazy. But then, I'm not really a pet person.

4. Do you give up anything for Lent? If so, what?

No. (Sometimes I feel that I've been given up for Lent...)

5. If you live with someone, what is the one thing you will never let them see you do?

As the years with the Lady of the house have passed, there isn't much we haven't seen or done in each other's presence by now. I still have trouble peeing with an audience, though, so I'll choose that.

TMI Tuesday #177

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 17:14:59 GMT

1. Are you pro-marriage? Why or why not?

I like the idea of marriage, and I like being married. It's a useful social contract. However, I also think that we've done it and ourselves harm by allowing religion to define it. I don't believe in the "cleve only unto the other, forsaking all others" bit. That's too much to ask. And I really disapprove of any form of consensual sex being a crime. Someday I will succeed in saying just how absurd I think that idea is.

2. Have you ever invented or thought you invented a sexual position?

Good God, no.

3. Do you like to be tied up? Always or sometimes?

I have never been tied up. This is something I desperately want to try.

4. Do you consider online cybering adultery?

No.

5. Do you prefer masturbation over real sex?

No. But it has its uses, its proper time and place.

6. Do you want sex more times a day than your partner?

Bwah hah hah! "Times a day", plural? I've reached the age where I may not be capable of multiple "times a day." It would be fun to try, though.

Yes, I want sex more often than my partner does.

7. Do you get offended when you partner openly flirts with others or are you okay with it?

If it ever happened, I would be fine with it. Any confirmation that sex is on her radar at all would be good.

8. Do you think you're flirty by nature?

No. But I can be flirty depending on the person I'm with.

TMI Tuesday #176

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 01:26:24 GMT

1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?

Not really. Well, not yet.

2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?

Doggy style didn't move me when we first tried it. Over time I've come to understand that not getting an orgasm right away isn't a flaw.

3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?

I tell her. Perhaps I should be more subtle.

4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?

She lets her hands roam to places I cannot resist.

5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realise was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?

God, yes.

Wednesday Weirdness #45

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 01:14:14 GMT

1.) What is one thing one of your closest friends does that drives you batshit crazy?

Why, none of my friends do anything that drives me crazy. If anything, it's the other way around.

2.) When buying a new sex toy, what are the features you look for that you absolutely have to have?

I have no idea how to answer this question. Wait, yes I do. I have to be able to clean it easily without risk of destroying it.

3.) If you woke up the opposite gender for one day, what would be the biggest downside to that for you?

There's a downside...? Well, if it was the day I had cramps, that wouldn't be optimal.

4.) Do you use curse words in front of children?

No. I try not to contribute to the deliquency of any minors who aren't mine.

5.) If you were zapped with a laser and turned into an animated character, what Disney movie would you hate to play a part in?

I don't know. Most of them gave happy endings to everyone not actually a Bad Guy. Maybe the Lion King. All those lions have to eat something.

6.) How would you react to your partner answering a phone call or text message during foreplay or intercourse?

With tolerant resignation.

7.) What are three things you want to try doing but haven't yet? (They can be sexual or non-sexual, doesn't matter.)

Oh, how can it possibly not matter? Actually, I think all of the things I want to try but haven't done yet are sexual.

Wednesday Weirdness #44

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 22:32:06 GMT

1.) You're on a trip taking a tour through the jungle. You have a backpack with some food, some first aid supplies, a pocket knife, a flashlight and a couple bottles of water. Some how, you get separated from your group. By night fall you haven't found your group and haven't heard them looking for you. How long do you think you would be able to survive on your own?

How did some bonehead persuade me to go on a jungle hike?
What idiot packed my backpack? Did I accidentally pick up someone else's?
You haven't mentioned the temperature, or the local wildlife. Assuming no life-threatening issues with that, I judge I could survive for several days, although I wouldn't be very happy about it.

2.) Do you think it's okay to lie to spare someone's feelings? Why?

I mentioned on TMI Tuesday that I place a great value on honesty. That said, yes, of course, there are circumstances when one's friend's feelings are more important than absolute, unrestrained truth. Funerals, job interviews, and one's first time in bed with a new partner are three situations where more or less dilution is called for.

3.) If a talking (insert your name here) doll were made, what are THREE phrases it would say?

Rappin' Regin, eh? Let me think...

"On the other hand..."
"Mmmmm..."
"I can be there in thirty minutes." (Inside joke.)

4.) If the super power to be able to read minds at your own will were possible, do you think it would be... cool and helpful, intrusive and wrong, manipulative or maddening? Explain why you would or wouldn't want to be able to read anyone's mind at your own will.

It would be cool and helpful...to me. The people around me might judge it to be intrusive and wrong...if I were so mind-bogglingly stupid as to tell them I could do it. But none of us can control how perceptive the people around us are.

5.) Drunk confessions, are they the things people can't bring themselves to say sober or just crazy ramblings of an influenced and intoxicated mind?

Depends on the drunk in question, but generally just crazy ramblings.

6.) What brings out the worst in you?

Silly meme questions, apparently.

Actually, I'll go with being condescended to.

7.) Do you think long distance relationships work? Have you ever been in one before?

They can work. When we were in college, my Beloved and I were in different schools in different parts of the state, about two to two-and-a-half hours apart. That doesn't seem like far now, but in mid-week she might as well have been on the moon.

TMI Tuesday #174

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 01:23:37 GMT

1. What do find is the most exciting part of a new sexual encounter?

Well, it's been a while since I've had a new one...

I'll take the moment where both partners know the encounter will be sexual.

2. Do you have "a most exciting part of a sexual encounter" with a usual partner?

Same answer.

3. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you just met?

Pretty honest (why would I lie?) but not necessarily open.

4. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you work with?

Again, honesty is a good habit to get into. But I guard my openness.

5. How open and honest are you about your life with a casual acquaintance who lives in your neighborhood (or the parent a your child's friend or...)?

You mean, other than blogging about it for an audience of well over a dozen people a month? Not very.

Bonus (as in optional): Define a "normal" as in "normal relationship" or "normal sex life".

I don't think defining "normal" here is of any benefit at all.

The Stolen Sex Meme

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 15:47:19 GMT

Not that the sex was stolen, but the meme was. This was listed at Sunday Stealing, but going back to the source I find that SS deleted ten questions. Well, having no "too much information" filter of my own, I felt obligated to go get the original list. I probably should have left well enough alone.

1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
Yes, definitely. I should point out, though, that I have multiple friends lists, having accounts at numerous social sites.

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Yes. Oh, I have to choose? Phooey. Night.

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
The right side, which is also the north side.

4. Do you masturbate?
Oh, yes.

5. How often? Lately?
Not often enough. Never when there's a possibility of honest sex later that day. I'm getting old enough that I have to factor recovery time into the decision.

6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No. Can't see anyone asking.

7. Do you prefer showers or baths?
Baths.

8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Unfortunately no. We tried once, but the phone kept ringing.

9. Do you watch/read pornography?
Yes, but infrequently.

10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Yes. Oh, darn, it's another of those choices. Aggressive, because I don't want to make all the decisions. I want to be surprised.

11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
Yes. I would have thought that in light of question one, that would go without saying.

12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
Actually, no. That seems a little odd, doesn't it?

13. Would you choose love or money?
Love.

14. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
As I define it, I have no kinks. But then your mileage may vary. And I've never tried some things I think I would really enjoy. Hm. Oral, anal, and bondage.

15. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
No.

16. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
In the woods near the Lovejoy, GA water tower. I mean, with a name like that, how can you not?

17. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
We haven't been to any places I'd consider weird.

18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
By authorities? No. We were walked in on once by my college roommate, but everyone was cool about it.

19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes, for a bachelor party.

20. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
Nope.

21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
Nope.

22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
Nope.

23. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Nope.

24. What's your sexuality?
Heterosexual. Straight. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

25. Had sex in a movie theater?
Nope. Not for lack of opportunity, since I used to work in one.

26. Had sex in a bathroom?
Nope. Not even my own. (See #8 above.)

27. Have you ever had sex at work?
If sex is something you can't do alone, then no. The closest I came was #25 above.
If solo stimulation counts, then yes. Am I weird to consider ease of wanking to be something that separates a good job from a great job?

28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
Yes, infrequently. I prefer mail order, although mail order does lead to some errors, like misjudging just how large that thing is.

29. Bought something from an adult store?
Yes.

30. Do you own any sex toys?
Yes.

31. If yes, how many and what are they?
You want an inventory? Let me see...
I have a fleshlight, three aneroses (of different sizes), and one butt plug FAR too large for me (see #28 above).

32. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
Other than the ones I've posted on my blogs and flickr photostream myself (see above LJ userpic), no...

33. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
Nope.

34. Have you ever had phone sex?
Nope.

35. Have you ever had cyber sex?
In my day, youngster, we called them "letters". Darn kids, they think they invented sex.

36. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
In the sense I think you mean this question, yes, I do.

37. What's your favorite sexual position?
That's a tough call. Missionary always works, but I'm developing a real fondness for doggy-style (despite that undignified name). (But then, if people were worried about dignity, we'd never have sex at all.)

38. What's your favorite sex act?
Sixty-nine.

39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
Nope. I have enough trouble keeping up with one partner. With more I'd go into sensory overload.

40. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
I have no idea.

Wednesday Weirdness #43

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:41:13 GMT

1.) What is the most exciting part of a sexual encounter for you?

Is this a trick question?

I do have a certain fondness for the moment I become certain where the evening is going. I hate doubt.

2.) What is your favorite way to relax after sex?

Sometimes I wonder if we're from the same planet. Sex is my favorite way to relax after everything else. I guess it would have to be sleep, if only because I don't have an onsen.

3.) Do you find sex with someone you have emotional attachment with to be better than casual fucking with someone you don't have emotional attachment with?

I have never attempted casual fucking with someone with whom I don't have an emotional attachment. I'm not sure why I'd want to.

4.) What was the last really horrible movie you watched? (At home, theater, etc)

Hmmm. That would have to be Will Smith's I Am Legend. Pointless.

5.) What are 3 things some one could do or say during foreplay that would kill the mood for you?

Well, let's see. Someone could throw up, of course. Someone could have some kind of medically-related seizure. Or someone could turn the TV on.

6.) Where do you think the best place to buy sexy lingerie is? Why?

I have no idea. That's why I gave up trying to buy it years ago.

7.) Do you think how a person dances gives you a glimpse to how they perform in bed?

No. But then, I don't dance. Which may explain why I have never had to chase women out of my bed.

8.) When was the last time you got served breakfast in bed?

I only get meals in bed when I'm sick. And that's actually OK with me. I'm not big on doing things in bed. I mean, other than, of course, the obvious.

question of the week

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 17:00:27 GMT

Originally from Rants, Ramblings and other Brain Farts, picked up and redistributed by Secrets of a Blue-Eyed Vixen:

question: you just found out that your significant other has been having an on-going sexual relationship with someone else. the kicker is that the "someone else" is the same sex as your significant other (i.e. ww or mm). which of the following best describes your thoughts?

1. oh yuck!!!! you kiss me with that mouth too!
2. oh well. guess they need a little of that which i can not give.
3. oh baby!!!! this brings so many ideas and options to our sex life.
4. oh damn! where did i put that lawyer's phone number?
5. [fill in the blank with anything i missed]

Looks like a solid option 2 for me.

My answers to some previous meme questions should make clear that I don't feel that I own my Beloved's sex life, nor she mine. I would like to think that if she needed something that I was capable of, she would have said so to me.

A threesome might not occur to me: It would depend on who my Beloved's Other was. I'd also like to think I'm open-minded enough not to get caught up in #1. There is absolutely no chance I would call a lawyer.

TMI Tuesday #174

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 16:39:36 GMT

1. What is your favorite charity? Do you you give your time or just money to that charity?

The Nature Conservancy. And no, they only get money.

2. Describe your bed. What side do you sleep on?

It's a "california king" Anderson bed with futon mattress. I sleep on the right side, which is also the north side.

3. How important is a partners kissing ability?

Reasonably important. But then it's a fairly straightforward thing to master.

4. Have you ever "taken advantage" of a person under the influence of alcohol? Have you ever been "taken advantage" of while under the influence of alcohol?

No and no.

5. Ever tried to replay the famous scene from From Here to Eternity? How was it?

Never have. But then, we've never been swimming on a beach that secluded.

Bonus (as in optional): What kind of birth control do you use?

Time has taken care of that problem for us. The Lady of the house is post-menopausal. (Pause while all you young people go "Eewww".)

Wednesday Weirdness #42

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 23:21:21 GMT

1.) If you were to be reincarnated as an inanimate object, what would you choose to come back as?

Leaving aside the absurdity of being reincarnated as an inanimate object... I'd like to be a tree on the edge of the local "lovers' lane".

2.) If you were told that you would be equipped with the perfect comeback to any remark, but it would cost you five years of your life would you take it?

Absolutely not. I want those years. I'm not through with them yet.

3.) What would be the most shocking thing your mom could have ever told you?

Given what my father is like, there aren't a lot of things it would shock me to learn she's done -- but it might shock me to hear her talk about them.

4.) If you could spend 24 hours as the opposite gender, what would you do?

I would have to devote some serious study to this multiple orgasm thing. Seriously, I don't understand why you women ever leave the house.

5.) Describe the ugliest outfit you have ever worn in public.

Red, white and blue striped jeans. It almost doesn't matter what the shirt was, does it? But it was a sweat shirt, mostly white, with red sleeves and a blue star on the chest. Thank God there are no pictures.

6.) Do you like to celebrate Valentine's Day or do you wish you could magically pouf it from the calendar? If you did, what holiday would you invent to put in its place?

Ask me this again after I know if I get laid on Saturday.

I mean, how sick is it to take a holiday devoted to love and sex and change it into one devoted to candy and jewelry?

UPDATE RE Q#6: I lluuuurve Valentine's Day...

TMI Tuesday #173

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 18:49:57 GMT

Eeeek! I'm a week late!

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?

Feet. I'm not repelled by them, they just don't do anything for me. Nor shoes. (Must be an X-chromosome thing.)

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?

Over makes the most sense to me: Under seems to be the way the rest of the household works. Hey, I'm happy if there just is some.

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?

Sadly, no. That sounds... delicious.

4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? If so, at what age?

Nope. That stupid pamphlet we got at school was the only thing I got. There weren't separate pamphlets for boys and girls, so we all saw both sections. I thought it was odd that each sex's parts were described as being "approximately the size" of the other's, but nary a suggestion that this fact meant anything. Boy, that was one hell of a light bulb when it finally went on.

5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?

Touch my hands. Especially the back of my hand. I can't explain why this shivers me timbers, but it does.

Bonus (as in optional): What does sex mean to you?

That's a great question. It's also the reason I was late answering these: I felt it needed a thoughtful answer, and I never got around to writing one.

Sex is the only instinctive biological imperative left. The only price it has is what we individually choose to assign to it. We've separated it from procreation and STDs, so we must complete the trifecta and separate it from marriage. It does neither sex nor marriage any favors to keep them inescapably linked.

Sex is intense affection and intimacy. It is what we crave whether we know it or not. To lose all control, all sense of self, only to reassemble the pieces while in the embrace of a trusted loved one... Everything else I do is just stuff to pass the time in between.

I can't see choosing a partner casually, but neither can I understand sharing this indescribable moment with only one other person in my life. No one has a right to ask or expect that. It's too precious to be jealous of.

Naughty Meme of Sexual Firsts

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 19:02:04 GMT

Rules to Isabella's Naughty Meme of Firsts:
1. Please post these at the beginning of your meme.
2. Please include a link to Sex Talk For Men.
3. Please include as many sordid details in your answers as possible -- if you haven't got any, make them up!
4. Tag 3 people.

Well, I wasn't tagged with this, but it looks interesting, and I started this LJ to talk about exactly this kind of stuff. We'll see how sordid I'm prepared to get, although truth to tell, the earlier I get, the less sordidity there is to tell.

1. First French kiss?

Barbara and I were both 17. We met in junior college working on the student newspaper. I knew nothing of French kissing, but she was a willing guide. Thanks, Barb.

2. First boyfriend/girlfriend.

Beth was a junior in high school while I was a senior. We met in science class, as I recall. At this late date, I have no idea what either of us saw in the other. I think we were both too in love with the idea of just having a boyfriend/girlfriend.

3. First type.

Intelligence has always been a given. I felt obligated to be attracted to blondes, since I am blonde and I knew it was a recessive trait. I was too inexperienced for such things as "shared interests" to occur to me. I was prime to be overwhelmed by the intoxicating look in the eyes of a girl who is interested in the boy she's looking at. In fact, I still am overwhelmed by that.

4. First time you had sex.

Summer of my last semester at junior college, before going off to four-year college. We had been, well, messing around in the back seat of my car, in the parking lot of a church near my Beloved's house. It was one of the stupider places we could have picked, in hindsight, but luck was with us. When weather permitted, we moved on to a dirt road and nearby woods in the lee of a water tower.

We both knew what we wanted, but weren't entirely sure how to get there. Thank God we both had enough sense to worry about contraception.

I suppose our experience was typical: That first time could only be called "good" in comparison with the agony of not having sex. But, like so many other things, the more you practice, the better it gets.

5. First celebrity crush.

Valerie Bertinelli on One Day At a Time. It didn't help that I knew a girl who looked like her, the editor of the junior college yearbook (whom I saw often, being the editor of the student newspaper).

6. First sexual fantasy.

Early sex fantasies almost invariably involved being bound and struggling to escape. Unfortunately, neither any of my girlfriends nor my Beloved have been inclined to explore that particular frontier.

7. First person you fell in love with.

That would be the person I refer to as my Beloved (and, sometimes, as the Lady of the house).

8. First proper sex toy.

I arrived late to that particular party, since my Beloved has thus far expressed no interest in them. But it's probably fair to say the Fleshlight changed my life.

9. First porn video.

Probably one of those indistinguishable soft-porn epics Cinemax liked to show late at night. I do remember a friend bringing a porn videotape to my house in order to hook our VCR's together and make a copy. (The "original" was already an illicit copy.) All I remember of that one is laughing out loud at the lead actress' portrayal of a virgin. That, and her being fucked on the edge of a pool table. I'm not a porn watcher or collector.

10. First sexy lingerie item/sexy briefs owned.

Still waiting for that one.

The next three questions are all with the same partner, my Beloved, and I don't remember exact dates on any of them. It would have been within the same spring-to-summer of my sophomore year in college. (See question 4.)

11. First time giving oral.

Nobody told me how much fun that was going to be. (But, in fairness, nobody who knew was in a position to tell me.) The taste, the sensation against my tongue, the scent, the delicious fluids and the equally delicious reactions of my Beloved... I never get tired of it.

We quickly learned to do this before the foam came out. Contraceptive foam tastes terrible. It wasn't yet "mainstream" enough for any manufacturer to care what your spermicide of choice tasted like. You kids today don't know how good you've got it. Am I dating myself?

12. First time getting oral.

I remember thinking that it wasn't really an improvement over intercourse. As good as it feels, apparently I have a deeply-rooted mental block that won't allow me to climax this way without a lot of extra work.

13. First orgasm given by someone else.

I guess it says something about my age that oral came after this, not before. In my day, youngsters, oral sex wasn't considered foreplay.

14. First one night stand.

Again, still waiting for that.

15. First dirty book/dirty mag read.

I guess it would have been an issue of Playboy. One of the first things I did after moving into my college dorm was buying the current issue of Playboy. (In those pre-internet days that was the easiest way to see nekkid women.) Excepting the sports-oriented articles, I read it cover to cover. I did the same with every issue for the next five years or so.

I won't be tagging anyone. If you want to play along, please do.

The Lover Style Profile Test ...

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 19:01:16 GMT

Your result for The Lover Style Profile Test...

The Classic Lover

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to be traditional rather than daring or out-of-the-ordinary [harumph], you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Classic Lover.

The Classic Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and is the closest it comes to the classic images of the princess in the tower, or the romantic and chivalrous knight, or the hero/heroine from a Disney film. The Classic Lover is a treasure to find, though it can be difficult to do so because they sometimes tend to be shy and/or difficult to successfully court.

In terms of physical love, the Classic Lover again can be shy, and often needs more in terms of emotional security to feel comfortable than some of the other Types. Given the right setting, and the right lover, the Classic Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Romantic Lover (most of all) or the Devoted Lover, or the Liberated Lover.

Congratulations!

If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in the following:
Nerds, Geeks & Dorks
Professional Wrestling
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
America/Politics

Thanks Again! -- THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST

Take The Lover Style Profile Test at HelloQuizzy